Recognize Love in the Little Every Day Things

I have not written much on this blog in the past months because of my CRAZY schedule. I once thought (that was when I was still single and unattached) that I lived a very hectic life... flying from one destination to another, sometimes three different cities in a week to conduct trainings and workshops. That was during the day. At night, I would meet up with friends from those cities that I visited and join in their activities. There was even a time when I was taking up Masters in Industrial Relations at UP Solaire while working as a Training Manager for a multinational company.

 

Then, I got married and had kids.

 

I discovered that life can get even BUSIER! hahaha So busy that it sometimes (make that A LOT OF TIMES on maidless days) drives me crazy! If you're now a mom with small kids and you don't have a maid or a nanny, you know what I mean!

 

If you're still a bride-to-be planning for your wedding, I'm writing this post not to scare you. I write this post to help prepare you for your marriage. :)

 

I'm honestly a romantic through and through. I love all those mushy stuff and I like the drama that most romantics want to experience. Big surprises and romantic dates are my thing. I love planning for these romantic things. Executing them energizes me.

 

My husband though is not the romantic type. He's not the type who plans ahead for important events like birthdays and anniversaries or other special occasions. Unlike me, he doesn't get excited a lot even when special occasions are already near.

 

These differences put a strain in our marriage when we were just starting. I discovered these the hard way. It's really true that once you're already married, you'll notice more things about your guy.

 

I was disappointed and I made sure that he knew how disappointed I was.

 

I also shared my disappointments with God during my times of prayer. And what God told me during those times, slowly opened my eyes.

 

I was looking for big, fancy expressions of love on certain seasons or special days. I was naturally drawn to those things being the romantic that I am. God however reminded me that those are not the only ways to show love. He reminded me of the many times that my husband showed his love to me in the every day little things that I sometimes didn't notice because I was so focused on watching for his big expressions of love.

This was before we got married.

 

I didn't appreciate these expressions of love in the every day little things right away. I felt humbled. But I did try to be more open to them. And I thank God that He helped me see and appreciate these things over time.

 

It would be our 9th year to celebrate Valentine's Day together this year. I would be a hypocrite if I tell you that I no longer pine for those romantic dates and for Valentine's Day gifts. But the difference now is that although I still like to experience those things, I have grown to appreciate my husband's every day little acts of love more.

 

We have not been lucky to get reliable maids since we got married. So, there are many months when we do not have helpers to assist us with our household chores and to enable us to have plenty of time to go out on dates as a couple. Our bonding times and dates are different now. We bond over doing chores together at home. We bond by exchanging stories with our kids. We bond over movies shown at our living room. We bond by going to Mass daily as a family. We bond over cuddles in bed or in the couch. We sneak some intimate moments when the kids are finally asleep.

 

The two of us don't get to do a lot of fancy, romantic stuff. These occasions are few and far between. But you know, I'm much happier now. Not only because he has learned to express love in the way I want to be loved (flowers and notes). But more importantly because I have learned to recognize love in the little every day things that my husband does for me and our kids.

 

Thus, I thank God for helping me see this wonderful side of my husband. I thank God that he blessed me with a husband who does not think that it's beneath him to help his wife with the household chores and who choose to be involved in raising our kids. I thank God for a husband who is not threatened by my successes but who delights and celebrates with me in my victories.

 

Let me end this Valentine post with a message to my Valentine:

 

Thank you, Sweetheart, for making time to wash the dishes and the pots and pans after dinner.

 

Thank you for sweeping and mopping the floor.

 

Thank you for throwing the trash.

 

Thank you for reading books and telling stories to the kids at night. 

 

Thank you for acknowledging that caring for the kids and watching over them throughout the day is already a full time job.

 

Thank you for appreciating the meals that I cook especially on really busy days.

 

Thank you for watching over the kids and playing with them while I do some work.

 

Thank you for accepting that I need time to write and for giving me some time to do this.

 

Thank you for all the many little things you do to fill up my love tank.

 

Thank for stepping into my life one Valentine's Day and changing my life forever.

 

I love you and the many every day little things that you do!

 

 

Are you also a romantic like me? What expressions of love fills your love tank? I hope that with this post you'd also learn to recognize and appreciate love in the little every day things.  
 

(Used to be) Dateless on Valentine's Day

I had been dateless on Valentine’s Day for years. There were years when I didn’t receive any flowers or roses… no love letters nor gifts. No fancy dinner dates with someone special to look forward to or fuss about. No one to hold hands with or exchange sweet messages with. There were years when I dreaded the month of February and the sight of all things that reminds me that Valentine’s Day was nearing. I hated the feeling of wanting to be like the rest.

 

That was me in Singapore resting by the lake after walking around.

But there were also many years when I didn’t mind not receiving anything at all or not having a special someone to celebrate it with. Those were the years when I was happily single, enjoying the company of friends, busy pursuing my passions and interests, busy achieving my personal goals. Those were years when I was so full of hope and faith that in time, I will celebrate Valentine’s Day with someone very special to me and who will make me feel special as well.

 

What helped me “survive” those years of being dateless on Valentine’s Day were these: first, I was surrounded by loving, single friends; second, I was part of a community of single men and women; third, I knew that I was called to the married life; and last but not least, I had a strong personal relationship with my God.

 

I was blessed that for most of my single life, I was surrounded by other single men and women who made me feel wanted, special and loved. Most of these friends of mine were part of the youth and singles community I was a part of when I was still in college and when I was already a working professional. We would arrange group dates with our female friends who were single and unattached as well. We would have Valentine activities in our youth or singles community, where singles who are not in any relationship would not feel out of place on Valentine’s Day, would have a chance to meet new friends, or simply have a good time to bond with old friends. Those were fun days! I enjoyed much of my single life because of the beautiful friendships I had during those years.

 

Another thing that helped me much during those dateless years is the certainty in my heart that I had been called to the married vocation. I just didn’t know when I’m getting married and with whom. I gained this certainty after I went through a state of life discernment process during my early single years. It’s a process I learned from the youth and singles community I was a part of and which I went through initially with the guidance of a Carmelite spiritual directress.

 

I have to admit though that even with all those helpful things/people in my life, there were times when I would still feel lonely. There were times when I would dream and long for a Valentine date with someone I love deeply. It was during those times that my strong relationship with my God helped me the most. When I felt my self esteem going down, I turned to God and allowed myself to be reminded of my dignity as His precious and beloved daughter. When I felt a strong need for companionship and even friends were not around to keep me company, I drew close to Him soaking myself in prayer so I would not forget that I’m never alone because He’s always beside me. When I felt that my love tank is empty or almost empty, I allowed God to fill me up with His unconditional and steadfast love.

 

Then, at one Valentine party organized for the singles in our community seven years ago, I met someone who was to be my Valentine for years to come. I went to that party with no expectation that I would meet someone new who can be my potential Valentine date in the future. I went there mainly because I was launching my book, When My Bridegroom Comes. It was a book I wrote about the challenges and joys of a single lady waiting and wondering when her bridegroom will come. I wrote it because I wanted to encourage and inspire other single ladies not to despair or be discouraged while waiting. I wrote it so other single and unattached ladies like me then would know how to make the most of their season of singleness. Little did I know that while I was busy pursuing my passions at that time, I would meet the Valentine I was waiting and praying for.

 

I’m no longer dateless on Valentine’s Day these days. There’s now someone who sends me flowers, brings me unexpected gifts, or writes me love messages… someone who holds my hand not just when we’re dancing but also when we’re praying, someone I can go out with for a romantic Valentine date. One thing I learned though over the years is that those dateless Valentine nights contributed much to my current joy; for through them, I grew to know myself more, which led me to have greater certainty of the kind of man I want to spend the rest of my days with, not just on Valentine’s Day. Today, I look back with gratitude for all those dateless years. I’m grateful that they have taught me much and formed me into the woman that I am now. I’m thankful even for the sadness and pain I endured during those lonely nights for they helped me appreciate more the joy and love that God has brought into my life right now not just on Valentine night but every single day of my married life.

 

 

(Author's note: Published today, February 17, 2013 at The Philippine Online Chronicles, Buhay Pinoy Channel.) 

A Very Memorable Valentine Party

I launched my book, When My Bridegroom Comes, seven years ago at a Valentine's party for the single men and women in our community, Light of Jesus (LOJ).  The single men were part of the Joshua brotherhood then.  The single women were part of the Esther sisterhood.  I was very excited because I chose Someone Really Special to be my date on that memorable night.  Launching my book was my way of telling the world that I believed in my Perfect Date's love and promises so much, enough for me to write and publish a book about His promises.  Little did I know that my Perfect Date that night, arranged something which will change the course of my life.  He led me to meet my future bridegroom and spouse.  Let me tell you briefly how.

 

 

 

I barely knew the brothers and sisters from LOJ then.  I only had a handful of friends since I was new in the community.  But although I was new, I was invited to serve in the Singles' Service Team by our leaders.  I said yes.  I didn't know that Jesus, my Perfect Date, will use that YES to bring me closer to the man He has set aside for me.  That night, the new members of the LOJ Singles' Service Team were introduced to the community.  I was one of them... He (my future bridegroom) was also one of them. 

 

 

That's me (wearing a pink dress), third from the left.  My future bridegroom, George
(wearing a blue long-sleeved shirt and tie), was in the middle beside the one holding a mic. 

 

But we didn't know each other personally yet.  It was our first time to see/meet each other in a joint event for the singles in our community.

 

He said that he introduced himself to me that night but I was meeting so many new faces at the party and I'm very poor at remembering names so our first actual meeting didn't register in my mind right away.

 

But Jesus, made a way for me to remember this man and for me to be drawn closer to him.

 

Since I was new in the community and I needed to bring my books with me to my apartment in Makati, I asked our leader if he can help me find a ride going home.  He introduced me to George, one of the new members of the Singles Service Team presented that night.  I had no idea that riding with him that night was part of God's perfect plan for my love life.  I even signed his copy of my book which he bought.  It's both funny and amazing looking back that I autographed that book for him not knowing that he was the bridegroom I wrote about in my book! 

 

Below is the dedication in my book which I wrote way before I met my anointed bridegroom.

 

"To him whom the Father has set apart to be my anointed bridegroom and to Jesus Christ, my Lord."

 

 

That ride to my apartment in Makati was the first of many memorable rides with George.  I eventually said YES to journey with him through life before God's altar with a heart full of love and faith on December 19, 2007.

 

 

 

As I have written at the back cover of my book, "Almost every young woman dreams of becoming a bride one day... of standing face to face with her beloved before the altar of God with a heart full of love." 

 

I'm very grateful to God that He has made that dream of mine come true.  And I'm also grateful to Him for bringing me to that very memorable Valentine party.

 

Happy Valentine's Day to you!  May God, who first loved us, and taught us how to love, bring you to experience His wonderful love through the special people He has placed in your lives.

 

 

Ideas on how couples can nurture and improve their relationships

Let me begin this New Year post by thanking all of you who have been reading my blog and encouraging me in your own simple way to continue developing and using my gift of writing.  You are one of my biggest blessings last year.  I am amazed at the number of pageviews this blog of mine already has at this time and at year end a few days ago.  I thank the Lord for the inspiration to start this new blog around May of last year.

 

Now, for my first post this year...

 

I had been terribly busy during the last quarter of last year that I hardly had the time to update this blog of mine.  With God's help, I hope and pray I'd be able to write more often for this blog this year -- maybe at least a month.  I still have a lot of ideas that I have yet to put into writing.  I trust that if God wills it, I would be able to post them here soon.

 

Around three years ago, I listed in my blog some ideas on what activities couples can do on their monthsaries that can help nurture and improve their relationships.  Let me quote from my previous post and share some examples of activities I have listed for me and my husband.

"I believe that marriages these days face a lot more challenges than in the past. One big reason for this is busyness. The world we live in now is so fast-paced. Couples often find themselves hurrying from one place to another, scampering to finish one task after another. Unfortunately, with all the things we think we need to do, sometimes nurturing our relationships takes a back seat. This should not be; because no matter how so in love a couple is, sooner or later the feeling will die down and hard work should begin to continuously work on keeping the love alive."

"My husband and I are not spared from these challenges. Even with all the planning that I do, I still sometimes find myself having so much on my plate. The same is true for my husband who has a very demanding job right now – a tough job that entails him to be on call 24/7. While we are praying and waiting on the Lord to hear our prayer that he would find a new position where he doesn’t need to be on call 24/7, I made a list yesterday of activities the two of us can do during our monthsary celebrations to continuously keep our love alive and our bonding strong. I’m sharing these with you thinking that some couples out there might also benefit from them."
 

1.  Meet with Ninongs and Ninangs (principal sponsors) to share concerns and ask them for tips on how they were able to overcome similar challenges when they were young couples like us. It’s also a time for us to share with them our joys and victories as a couple. This could be done on a quarterly basis.

 

3.  Watch a love story in the movie house or at home and discuss the good points from the movie that we can learn from or adapt in our relationship.

 

10. Meet with single friends and inspire them with our love story.

 

12. Visit model houses and discuss dreams for future house and ideas on how to make it a reality. 

 

16. Serve each other throughout the day using the 5 Love languages.

 

 

Click here to read my previous blog post in full.

 

 

You can come up with your own list or adapt some of these which you find appealing or interesting to you and your spouse.  The important thing is you make time to keep the fire of love burning between the two of you.

 

 

 

Cheers to a year full of love, hope, and dreams coming true for you and your families!